Airline Professional T-Shirts

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

"What are you doing outside of coach?"

"Bigelow, let's try and set this thing down just once without saying 'Oopsy-daisy.' "

Risk Assessment

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Two airplanes

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'He's still following us, Don.'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"I'm number 846 on my salon's wait list. You?"

'Will that be coach?'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'