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"So it's agreed then. There'll be no third runway, and you'll head the Fourth Runway steering group."

"Phew! I narrowly avoided a near miss!"

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

'I don't necessarily agree with the pilots' strike, but you gotta love their picket line.'

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

'We have a problem, Bob! All the passengers back there are on the wrong plane. Even the attendants are on the wrong plane. Hey, wait - you're not Bob.'

'Mayday, mayday, we have lost control.'

'I've outlived another airline.'

'It's the worst air-rage I've seen in years!'

'Damn it! I can never remember which one's the lighter.'

"I think you're right Bob, it does look like the mechanic.....that's odd, I think he wants us to land the plane."

"Why yes, he is working from home today is that a problem?"

"An upgrade? Well now, that all depends. Have you been naughty or nice?"

Budget Airline.

'Whoops! I accidentally grabbed the helium.'

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

"This is your pilot speaking. I'll be working from home today."

"Dad, can I use the company airplane tonight?"

'I'm sorry, but these seats are taken!'

'Oh no! I forgot my driving glasses! What! You too? Now what are we going to do?'

Air traffic controllers, as always, cool, calm and collected.

'So much for transparency!'

Private Jet

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

Pilot pushes wrong button and a Jack in the Box jumps out.

'It's time for the economy class passengers to leave the aircraft.'

"Terrible. It's just terrible. He's the third accountant I've hired to calculate my per diem."

'JetBlue 171, I think my dad said you are clear for takeoff...'

Marcus suddenly had the realisation that he hadn't invented any brakes.

"Flying is my life."

Bidding

'Gosh you look familiar! Have we flown together?'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

"Hello? I can't talk right now! I'm on a plane! What?! No! Just leave some food in her dish! What?! I can't talk!"

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