Airline Industry Gifts

'I'm sorry, we don't have chicken or fish. However, we do have a choice of surcharges. Would you prefer fuel, technology upgrade or new labor deal?'

'As the plane is about to crash, we're offering passengers a complimentary drink.'

"Hey buddy, I ordered from her first!"

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

Employee of the Month Parking

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

Safest Airline in The World

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

'Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the latest Airbus!'

"You're advised to check a small bag which you wouldn't mind losing as a sacrifice to the Gods of Lost Luggage."

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Let me get this straight...your airline lets you layover in Hawaii for 24 hours and they trust you to come back?"