Airline Manager Gifts

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Two airplanes

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

'He's still following us, Don.'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

'I work at the airport.'

'Will that be coach?'

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

Airline Mergers.

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

Safest Airline in The World

'One carry-on!'

"I don't know what's so funny. All I asked was whether this was their only flight today."

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."