Tv Commentator Gifts

'Once again, you were right only fifty percent of the time. Have you considered a career as a TV weatherman?'

Pundits

'I'm tired of you criticizing my performance. You didn't think I could hear you through the TV, did you?'

'Politicians tell you to read their lips, but you can learn more from their body language.'

'In a gesture of bipartisanship, the grand bargain was put on the table along with an assortment of cookies, fruit, canapes, pigs in blankets, and other horderves.'

'Did you se that sports fans! That cheerleader came completely out of her costume.'

Presidential Pardons of the Rich and Famous.

"A new government survey has suggested that living along and watching too much tv can make some people very angry."

"Well, that really plumbed new depths…let's watch it again on their 'plus-one' channel."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

'Bradley doesn't actually watch television -- he views it with alarm.'

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

"Watching people argue about the world situation night after night makes me feel like I'm doing something about it."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

"Coming up on political gymnastics, the next candidate will try a triple reverse flip flop..."

Only in America

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Opportunities in Coronatimes

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"Nation-building never works."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

Trump Poutine

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

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