Comical Commentator Gifts

Sex education

"Trouble is, now it's worked in London, all the other cities are going to want it!"

"I see that Kyle and Tina have two palm trees now."

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'Cartoonist thinking'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Can you hear me now?"

And now, for a rebuttal.

Pundits

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"Actually, we will replace you."

"This is gonna be great!"

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks