Satirical Commentator Gifts

poverty-stricken family watching T.V. "God bless the Royal Family...what would we do without them?"

"Can you hear me now?"

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

'Where did we go wrong, where did we go wrong?'

"Help!"

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

"This one is for keeping my big mouth shut."

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

'Son, we can't afford tuition fees, but we can afford people traffickers.'

'Well, another year, another dollar.' 'Yeah, as soon as one of us gets a job that pays that much.'

"You prayed for me to stop mocking your religion, yet I'm still doing it? It's almost as if your god is not real."

Potholes and the homeless: The solution

"Our thoughts and prayers are with the families. This one is 'thoughts' and this one is 'prayers'."

"Jan I thought I should be the first to tell you - the police have found indecent images of money on my computer."

"Ok, give it to me straight. How big of a donation is required for an honorary PhD?"

Paid not to work

"Eat up your pudding love and that's Christmas over."

Stopping Coronavirus

More Vacuous Reality TV S**e

"As a politician I talk meaningless stuff all day long, nobody has noticed in years that I don't have a clue, and I get paid a lot of money for it. Basically I'm also an artist."

"If the stock market fluctuates due to the emotions of mostly men, isn't there some kind of hormonal therapy available to level those out for them?"

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

'...and this develops their sense of aggression and ability to smash things.'

"Lethal injection's my favorite, because they don't make you shave your head."

'There are so many poor people out there. It would be unfair if I'd help just one of them. That's why I don't help anybody.'

'It doesn't seem right...you getting the toys and our child getting razor blades...'

'My plants are dead Have you been listening to Rush Limbaugh while I was shopping'

Shop with guns and gravestones.

'Why's your girlfriend so keen to call it 'Cuckoo'?

'I used to be a liberal conservative, but now I'm a conservative liberal.'

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

'No.32...congratulations: your pay is frozen. No.38...well done: you're on short term working. No.14...'

You know, Lars, on cable TV news shows, talking heads like us are called pundits

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.

"It was either us or nuclear weapons."