Tv News Commentator Gifts

'No, old generals no longer fade away! We're in demmand as TV news commentators.'

Pretty Flowers

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

2020 Swiss barmy knife

Boris in Lockdown

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

What Could Go Wrong?

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

American Bombs

Who's the Rogue State?

"What's your position on the Strait of Hormuz?"

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Pundits

'The following program contains scenes that may not be appropriate for Neoconservatives.'

The 99% of the 1%

Covid-19 Leadership

"I understand your feelings, dear, but don't you think that Jane Pauley would just as soon see you keep your strength up?"

'We can monitor e-mails and phone calls of everyone in this world but we can't touch Obamacare.'

Defunding the police vs defunding education

The Climate Change Debate Explained

'When we come back we'll talk to a man who made a fortune on Wall Street and almost got away with it.'

Backtrack! A game of political undoing

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

Impeachment: the Moral High Ground Isn't as High as It Used to Be

'Sure, we kill a few innocent people with drones, but think how many innocent people die in auto accidents.'