Commentator Gifts

The Salute

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"And, in this corner, weighing five pounds more than she'd like..."

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

Former Pundit. Will Opine for Food.

'Oooh, looks like a broken leg for Randolph - broken legs are brought to you by Altrion Orthopedics Incorporated...'

This Bus Runs on Punditry

Rush Limbaugh's orifice.

Sports Radio in Crisis

"..and in the blue corner....biter of ears, raper of women."

And now, for a rebuttal.

'We're going to take another look at that play in snow motion.'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

"The 3 major networks have projected a winner..."

'Say what you like about the All Black scrum, but it's clearly the most fragrant and well groomed in the modern game.'

"It could go badly, or it could go well, depending on whether it goes badly or well."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?" "Brexit." "It was historic. I'm old enough to remember before the European Union existed. I witnessed its creation. But now it's fallen apart and well then what I witnessed wasn't all that historic after all." "Way to make it all about you." "It's like it was all just one big tease."

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

Mrs. Cohen, our research shows that listeners love to be berated. It's what America wants. I am merely suggesting that Ask Sadie ramps up the anger. Let the listeners really have it! Especially berate immigrants. That doesn't sound so bad.

The Dangers of Wokeness

As you may have heard, I have won the award as Most Obnoxious and Caustic Radio Host of the Year. I bet out Hannity, Dr. Laura, that jerk on MSNBC. Olbermann. YOU'RE ALL TOO NICE. IT SICKENS ME! I'd like to thank all the losers that listen to the show and have no lives.

I watched a Mark Blyth video on Youtube called "Global Trumpism." It explained everything. Really? How so? He pointed out how inflation was an unavoidable feature of predatory capitalism and how that led to worldwide Trumpism. And some stuff about Kierkegaard and Mussolini, and debtors' revolts, and the section of all societies in this phase that will swing right unless they're given a genuine left alternative ... I don't remember all the details, but it made a whole lot of sense in his mesmeriz

On today's "Ask Sadie" Radio Hour, we'll talk about the elephant in the room: Hillary Clinton's age. And Bernie's too. Forget all this PC nonsense, I'll just come right out and say it: Their age disqualifies them. These children don't know anything about life. I bet they haven't even gotten their first hip replacement yet. Nice to know we'll always be young to somebody. Earth is young to her.

I never knew you were a sportscaster. That takes me way back. What do you mean? The year was 1943. I had a hot, torrid, steamy love affair with a young Howard Cosell. I knew he was destined to be a sportscaster. The man had a strange habit of narrating a play-by-play of all our intimate moments. It almost never pays to ask you to elaborate, Sadie. "And there's his chance! Howard goes in for a first kiss!" ... Odd man.

Trump Liberty

"Actually, we will replace you."

Hot takes

Editorial Cartoonists at Home

The Real Problem Isn't That Trump is an Idiot

The United States of Amazement

Unemployed Talking Heads

"And now here's Jerome with an overview."

"This is gonna be great!"