Airline Food Critic Gifts

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

ABC Airplane Food Manufacturing Co: Supplying Lame Jokes To Comedians for 35 Years.

Airplane Mode.

"Expense account or regular?"

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

What's really in junk food...

"The food's so bad in here I had them put me back on the intravenous feedings."

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Yuk! I'm too young to die! Send out for pizza!'

TV Dinners, Now in High Definition.

Deli Special - 2 bean salad: 'We ran out of red beans.'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'How's the steak, sir?'

To avoid malnutrition, throw away the contents and eat the package.

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

"At this time, if everyone would please switch their palates to airplane mode."

Galley Plane.

'Could you please do an dental x-ray? I think I broke a tooth on a rock in my in-flight meal.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"Okay, so what do we add?"

"...and we're pleased to offer a complimentary glass of champagne to all those passengers who agree to go quietly in case of overbooking."

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

'Freeze Dried Nothing®. Directions: To make something out of NOTHING®, just add water.'

Pre-digested convenience foods.

'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'

No cows were harmed in the making of this beefburger.

'Chicken or fish? Let me call my lawyer.'

'Are you sure this is an upgrade?'

Anatomy of a Non-Rev

Bag Men