Airline Food Critic Gifts

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

ABC Airplane Food Manufacturing Co: Supplying Lame Jokes To Comedians for 35 Years.

Airplane Mode.

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Expense account or regular?"

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

What's really in junk food...

"The food's so bad in here I had them put me back on the intravenous feedings."

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Yuk! I'm too young to die! Send out for pizza!'

Deli Special - 2 bean salad: 'We ran out of red beans.'

Nothing to Lose But Our Knees

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

TV Dinners, Now in High Definition.

To avoid malnutrition, throw away the contents and eat the package.

'How's the steak, sir?'

"At this time, if everyone would please switch their palates to airplane mode."

Galley Plane.

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

'Could you please do an dental x-ray? I think I broke a tooth on a rock in my in-flight meal.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

Pre-digested convenience foods.

'Freeze Dried Nothing®. Directions: To make something out of NOTHING®, just add water.'

"...and we're pleased to offer a complimentary glass of champagne to all those passengers who agree to go quietly in case of overbooking."

"Okay, so what do we add?"

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'

No cows were harmed in the making of this beefburger.

Anatomy of a Non-Rev

"And for your dinner, sir, will it be 'Gourmet' or 'Bon Appetit'?"

'Chicken or fish? Let me call my lawyer.'