Airline Foodie Gifts

'Chicken or fish? Let me call my lawyer.'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

Airplane Mode.

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"Fresh pepper?"

"How's my tripping you up?"

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"You're advised to check a small bag which you wouldn't mind losing as a sacrifice to the Gods of Lost Luggage."

'Purpose of visit?'

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...

NEXT EXIT Food & Drink Cafe...Open 24 hours: 'Hey! Here's the place we saw advertised on the freeway!'

"How many bags to check in, sir?" "Only one piece of hand luggage." (case in the shape of a giraffe).

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the safety presentation. It's the only way you'll know the difference between the harmless scarlet kingsnake and the deadly Eastern coral snake."

'With my frequent flyer miles I was able to get a seat upgrade from the luggage compartment.'

'As the plane is about to crash, we're offering passengers a complimentary drink.'

'Bloody Brits.'

'How's the steak, sir?'

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

"At this time, if everyone would please switch their palates to airplane mode."

Excess Baggage: At times the cheapest ticket deals leave a lot to be desired.

"Frankly, your kindness and understanding are only making matters worse!"

"For People Who Enjoy Everything About Flying Except Being 30,000 Feet Up In The Air, There's The WIDE -BODY TRIAN!"

"And a mild sedative for the kid behind me."

'We have a problem, Bob! All the passengers back there are on the wrong plane. Even the attendants are on the wrong plane. Hey, wait - you're not Bob.'

'Could you please do an dental x-ray? I think I broke a tooth on a rock in my in-flight meal.'