Frequent Flyer Critic Pillows

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

Homing pigeons in therapy.

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

Elite-Premium Passengers

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

Heathrow Protesters - This airport's rubbish!

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

"So that's what this is all about? Frequent Flyer Miles?"

Frequent Flier Tom Walstrom, on his way to Seattle, passes his luggage on it's way to L.A.

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

'Joe, could I have your frequent flier points?'

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

"What's up with him?" "Travelling on points."

Troy.

"Back! Back! Rows twenty and higher only!"

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."

'Is this business class?'

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'