Frequent Flyer Irony Pillows

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

"Would you like some wings?"

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

Troy.

'How many frequent flyer points do you have?'

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

'You want a shuffle flight to Buffalo?'

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'I'll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."

"Once again, we're boarding only our Elite Premium passengers at this time. Thank you."

'Your luggage was accidentally sent to Singapore, sir, and you're being tried in absentia there for smuggling after-shave lotion.'

Beverage Service "Distancing"

Airline- The Restaurant

"Hey guys, it's me, Rob! Remember, we flew together yesterday."

Passport Controls

"For your comfort, you will be searched by someone of your own level of sexiness."

More intense body search at airport checkpoints.