Frequent Flyer Laughs Pillows

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

"Would you like some wings?"

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

Airport security - next step?

Elite-Premium Passengers

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

'Joe, could I have your frequent flier points?'

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

"What's up with him?" "Travelling on points."

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'