Frequent Flyer Chuckler Pillows

"Thank goodness for the extra legroom, right?"

'Sir, before boarding would you two be interested in upgrading your seats to seats?'

'I'm not flying anywhere... I'm just here for the pat down search.'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Airport security - next step?

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

Opt Out of Body Scans and Pat Downs - Fly Nude.

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'If this prescription doesn't help, go to Maggie Brown's party next week. There'll be a specialist there.'

'I'll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings.'

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.