Frequent Flyer Chucklers Pillows

'Motorway services, Full English Breakfast only �350.99p

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Airport security - next step?

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'I'll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

'How many frequent flyer points do you have?'