Frequent Flyer Chucklers Gifts

'Motorway services, Full English Breakfast only �350.99p

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

Airport security - next step?

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'So...Now I can get American's loudy service and U.S. airways inept baggage handling all in one convenient airline?'

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

I know it's a "pet," and I know it's a "carrier," but you're still not putting it on the airplane.

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

ACE Airlines. Ask about our frequent flier bonus plan. I think it's nice of the airlines to give frequent fliers a free ticket to anywhere. They can go get their luggage.

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."