Frequent Flyer Humorists Gifts

When People Start to Look Like their Luggade

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

Technological Dependence.

Vampire on a plane

"Hell: The Airport"

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

'The pilot has collapsed! Does anyone here know how to fly?'

"He keeps touching me!"

Couple putting baby through the scanner.

Do you mind if I mix a little business with pleasure and have a brief conversation with the waiter about the fly in my soup?

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

Flight: Select your spot.

Airplane Seatbelts

The Chippendales go through airport security.

The aviation experts come out to play

'Empty your pockets and go through again.'

'We'd like to start by boarding anyone with hot food they've been waiting to eat on the plane.'

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000.Please take your seat.'

"Well that's just great!! I guess we really are flightless birds now!!"

For Sale: Red Arrow

"It's the part about 60 take-offs and 54 landings that worries us."

"I'm glad they had these nice robes for us, because my luggage didn't make it."

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Do you have a flight that will get us to Gate 2?'

"I'm just saying. . . it wouldn't have hurt to check the price of an airline ticket."

'This? It's carry-on luggage in that it carries ME on and I can fit in the overhead bin.'