Comedy Flyers Gifts

Descent into Hell.

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

Dog on a plane.

Do you mind if I mix a little business with pleasure and have a brief conversation with the waiter about the fly in my soup?

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

For Sale: Red Arrow

"It's the part about 60 take-offs and 54 landings that worries us."

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'Co-pilot to pilot - I've located why the plane is out of balance.'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

Grim reaper struggles to get his scythe in the overhead locker of an aeroplane.

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"Attention: The Captain has turned off the hokey-pokey light. You are now free to shake it all about."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

'Next time the captain says to turn off your cell phone, just do it!'

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

'He must be going economy!'

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'I'll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings.'

ACE Airlines. Ask about our frequent flier bonus plan. I think it's nice of the airlines to give frequent fliers a free ticket to anywhere. They can go get their luggage.

'I'm afraid we're out of whisky, sir -- the pilot drank it all.'

'So...Now I can get American's loudy service and U.S. airways inept baggage handling all in one convenient airline?'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

Relax, sir. As soon as we're sure the first class passengers have plenty of oxygen, you'll get yours.

Flies prepare to duel with fly swatters.

"I think the pain meds are kicking in Mr. Wiggles."

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

"Once again, we're boarding only our Elite Premium passengers at this time. Thank you."