Frequent Flyer Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'So...Now I can get American's loudy service and U.S. airways inept baggage handling all in one convenient airline?'

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Vampire on a plane

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

Homing pigeons in therapy.

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

Elite-Premium Passengers

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

"So that's what this is all about? Frequent Flyer Miles?"

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

Frequent Flier Tom Walstrom, on his way to Seattle, passes his luggage on it's way to L.A.

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

'Joe, could I have your frequent flier points?'

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

"What's up with him?" "Travelling on points."

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

"Back! Back! Rows twenty and higher only!"

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

ACE Airlines. Ask about our frequent flier bonus plan. I think it's nice of the airlines to give frequent fliers a free ticket to anywhere. They can go get their luggage.

Opt Out of Body Scans and Pat Downs - Fly Nude.