Comedy Frequent Flyer Gifts

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Carefree luggage.

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'What zip code are we in now?'

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

"Would you like some wings?"

Walking Luggage.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

A private jet takes off

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

Airplane Mode.

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'Flight simulator'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Vaccination Passport

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Attack of the Underwear Bomber