Frequent Flyer Chuckler Gifts

"Thank goodness for the extra legroom, right?"

'Sir, before boarding would you two be interested in upgrading your seats to seats?'

'I'm not flying anywhere... I'm just here for the pat down search.'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

Airport security - next step?

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

I know it's a "pet," and I know it's a "carrier," but you're still not putting it on the airplane.

'If this prescription doesn't help, go to Maggie Brown's party next week. There'll be a specialist there.'

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

Opt Out of Body Scans and Pat Downs - Fly Nude.

'I'll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings.'

'So...Now I can get American's loudy service and U.S. airways inept baggage handling all in one convenient airline?'

ACE Airlines. Ask about our frequent flier bonus plan. I think it's nice of the airlines to give frequent fliers a free ticket to anywhere. They can go get their luggage.