Frequent Flyer Chuckles Pillows

'Sir, your luggage exceeds the carry-on size limit! It wouldn't be fair to other passengers if I allotted more space for you, now would it?'

"I'm in the x-ray support systems business, which contrary to popular belief, isn't a whole bundle of laughs."

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

Elite-Premium Passengers

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Airport security - next step?

"Emotionally, I'm checking three bags."

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

'Joe, could I have your frequent flier points?'

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

"What's up with him?" "Travelling on points."

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.