Air Travel Critic Prints

"We should have read the fine print more carefully before buying these cheap airfares."

Nothing to Lose But Our Knees

Basic Economy

Galley Plane.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

What Europeans really think: 'Why waste fuel on transatlantic flights? Drill a hole to Jersey city.'

How about you? Traveling for work or pleasure?

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

'There is a $15 baggage fee... a $15 airport improvement fee... a $15 full body scan fee... a $15 pat-down fee...'

'Memo: Cancel flight.'

I Love This Job...Its Just The Commuting I can't Stand.

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

'That tut, tut sound when you park..? It's your husband.'

United Reputation

'It's bad enough that the stupid cruise ship didn't pick us up...'

'An authentic Viking experience, you said. The cruise of a lifetime, you said. It'll be awesome, you said.'

'Folks, the airline regrets the crash, but it will provide you a life jacket at one hundred dollars each.'

'In retrospect, we should never have booked this titanic-themed cruise.'

ABC Airplane Food Manufacturing Co: Supplying Lame Jokes To Comedians for 35 Years.

"...and we're pleased to offer a complimentary glass of champagne to all those passengers who agree to go quietly in case of overbooking."

"Can you believe my parents? Taking a 2-week cruise on my future inheritance!"

'God was my co-pilot, but I was distracted by the stewardesses.'

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

Desert island 'Help' cards

'Passengers without a driver? Sounds like my local rail operator.'

'Is that the Acme Travel Agency? I'm complaining about the lousy food on board ship!'