Travel Review Critic Prints

Bedbug Hotel Reviews

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Well what does the GPS say?"

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

"Seriously, I'm not lost: I'm a travel writer..."

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and Rachel took the one less traveled... Huge mistake."

Quick, follow that star

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

The Queen Mary 2: World's largest ocean liner.

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

'If you've brought us gifts we don't want any more Des O'Connor records!'

The segway RV.

'You know how you can never be bothered to read Tim and Sue's postcards?'

'The tales I could tell, sonny... I've marked my way across 7 continents, from the Kelly green hydrants of Belfast to the salty yellow curbs of old Shanghai...'

The Antiquary

Lady Liberty Cools Off

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

"Lest we forget, dear Tenzing, it's about the journey and not the destination."

The back of the Taj Mahal.

'Don't you have any maps of undiscovered secrets of ancient temples?'

'Memo: Cancel flight.'