Travel Insurance Skeptic Gifts

'I'm sorry you find the insurance too expensive,madam,but I doubt they have lifebelts your size!'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Injured backpacker.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

The Public Option

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'I don't like to question your map reading dear, but could you have another look at the last left turn?'

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

Left and Right: Please be consistent.

Sacking a unprofitable patient

What Europeans really think: 'Why waste fuel on transatlantic flights? Drill a hole to Jersey city.'

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

"No I'm afraid your health insurance doesn't cover this."

Entomology Lab. I think the insect population declines we've been seeing in nature are a result of problems with their healthcare system. Podiatry and vision care are not covered services. Your plan will only pay for a one-night stay in the cocoon. The HMO says this is a workers comp issue. Insurance. Premiums are higher for ladybugs than for other bugs.

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'