Insurance Policy Skeptic Gifts

Unfortunately Mr. Brown, there's nothing in your policy that covers taking the bull by the horns.

"Are you aware that your flood insurance policy has lapsed?"

"I'm afraid your policy only covers the first three lives."

'My insurance company wants three quotes before I have it fixed.' - 'Right, £70, £80 and £90.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"You have a pre-existing condition. You're an imbecile."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

The Public Option

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Where HMO's are headed

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"I'm prepared to cover any out-of-pocket costs, Dr. Williter."

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

'Just as I thought...you can't collect on the life insurance by boring me to death.'

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.