Health Insurance Skeptic Gifts

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

Doctor to patient 'Your health insurance only covers placebos.'

"Insurance covered the broken ankle, but the deductible was painful."

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

'I have a company insurance physical next week, do you have anything that will help me lose 25 pounds by then?'

"Our records show that you haven't subjected yourself to any costly, useless tests in quite some time."

'Remember: medical insurance is like a hospital gown - You're never covered as much as you think you are.'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Your insurance only pays for us to put wheels on this thing."

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

"Insurance doesn't cover these sessions. Now...don't your other problems seem insignificant?"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

The Public Option

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

Medicare: More is Better!