Healthcare Skeptic Gifts

"Bad dog! What'd I say about relying on the Internet for medical advice?"

"This patient has a rare form of medical insurance."

'...Okay, just a few more items to add to your EHR. I appreciate your patience...'

"This will buy you four months.

"Our integrated approach to medicine skillfully combines an array of holistic alternative treatments with a sophisticated computerized billing service."

TRUST: 'Are you telling me that none of you knows what it means?'

'Rooms are $200 a day. Did you want nurses. . .? Bed. . .? Sheets. . .?'

"I've searched every book, also the Internet, so in desperation...I've come to you, doctor!"

'This second prescription is to calm you down after you see the cost of the first one.'

'Your medical problems are more complicated than I thought. I am going to refer you to another doctor, who has more medical insurance than I have.'

Some other drugs you may enjoy.

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"4 out of 5 doctors recommend you ask your financial planner if this drug is right for you."

A Con-artist offering brain scans to the public from his flatbed scanner.

Doctor reads 'Anecdotal Evidence'

'Are you aware of the penalty for insurance fraud?'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

Mario's Discount Nose Jobs

"Nothing to worry about, I just need to make a small incision to..."

'If I cancel an hour before my appointment, you charge me. I've just waited an hour past my appointment time in your waiting room. This is my bill.'

'First they stab you in the back, then they cut your affordable healthcare. . . it's the American way!'

Government spin doctors consult Enron accountants over figures.

'Test my reflexes? - you're going to try and nick my wallet, aren't you?'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Your test results came back but due to privacy regulations I can't tell you anything."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'I knew the government would screw up health care reform. They passed it.'

In those four out of five doctors' commercials, I'm the fifth doctor.

'Since we couldn't afford health care insurance, we induced labor in our car so our auto insurance would cover any maternity costs.'

Health care reform mill.

'Do HMO's really give you extra benefits?' 'Sure †they add insult to injury.'

"Instead of an expensive, invasive procedure, we've decided to beat it out of you."

'The Rich Get Richer - The Poor Get Poorer'

'Research shows there is a direct correlation between life expectancy and payment of medical bills.'

Politics in nurse staffing