Health Skeptic Gifts

"No need. I have diplomatic immunity."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"The active ingredient is marketing."

'Penicillin is called a 'wonder drug' because any time the doctor wonders what you've got, that's what you get.'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

Jerry would soon discover why Dr Johnson had the lowest prices in town - "I'm going to put you under now Mr. Perkins - you may experience a moment of discomfort..."

'I don't care what the TSA guy at the airport told you, it's not cancerous.'

"Here, if you don't believe me, listen for yourself!"

'Apparently some of the additives cause a nerve diorder, but some of the other additives cure it.'

John W. Wilson 1949-2009 - Forgot to ask his doctor everything he wanted to ask him.

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Because when it actually works they just call it medicine."

"All the evidence is clear that weight loss is about eating less and exercising more...so we're developing a tablet to help with that!"

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

'I don't exercise religiously.'

'Suing the fast food industry didn't work, I'm still fat'

'You really need to lose weight.'

'If the FDA tested and approved it, then maybe you better not take it.'

"Try distance healing if you like, but it's a bit of a long shot"

'Do you really think this is going to fool anybody,sir?!!'

This new diet lets me stop smoking and lose weight...I eat my cigarettes!

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'Oh, stop making faces. Six glasses of wine per day happens to be recommended by the Las Vegas Journal of Medicine.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'I don't think the report applies to you.'

'So, that's 20 cans of beer and 4 packs of roasted peanuts. Are you absolutely sure your doctor prescribed you this?'

"The latest news says we should drink our own urine to protect against covid. . ."

"Yeah, but for a fat guy who doesn't exercise I'm in pretty good shape."

'Mrs Arkin, you can't shop around for a disease whose tv drug ads feature a movie star who you like!'

'A pill that cures everything! Surely you don't expect me to swallow that?'

'Swine flu?' - 'Naah, wine spew.'

"Working class? British? White? No, sorry, you're at the bottom of the list."