Wellness Skeptic Gifts

Alternative medicine clinic, specialising in alternative illnesses.

"We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of 'physical and artistic' therapies which is why we've developed 'megazylomol' to enhance the experience!"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

"If I hear someone use the word 'mindful' one more time, I'm going to lose my mind."

Didn't Achieve His Wellness Potential.

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"So, according to our height, weight and age ratio chart, you'd be in great shape if you were and eight foot tall, ninety year old man!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Safety Barriers

Gullib-Os

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."