Health And Fitness Skeptic Gifts

'If he wasn't in a 12-step program he wouldn't get any exercise at all.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Safety Barriers

Gullib-Os

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Gathering dust isn't dangerous in itself, but it's a sign of lack of exercise.'

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"Fit watch say me need more steps."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'