Healthy Living Skeptic Gifts

"I know I encourage employees to take initiative, Tom... but I think you should change that back!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

Gullib-Os

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"When I say I'm rich I don't just mean in Omega 3 oils."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"