Healthy Living Skeptic Pillows

"I know I encourage employees to take initiative, Tom... but I think you should change that back!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

Gullib-Os

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

"When I say I'm rich I don't just mean in Omega 3 oils."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'