Healthy Skeptic Gifts

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

Tasty Organic Meal - Just Add Artificial Flavouring & Preservative

"It's good for me? No wonder it tastes so bad!"

'And just what studies show that losing weight causes global warming?'

"I can guarantee you'll lose £50 as soon as you hand over your credit card."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'