Healthy Skeptic Gifts

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

Tasty Organic Meal - Just Add Artificial Flavouring & Preservative

"It's good for me? No wonder it tastes so bad!"

'And just what studies show that losing weight causes global warming?'

"I can guarantee you'll lose £50 as soon as you hand over your credit card."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'