Healthy Food Skeptic Gifts

"No, I haven't heard that broccoli was on the endangered species list."

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 50 calories? False advertising.'

"I told you not to mention the broccoli quiche."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Gullib-Os

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"I don't usually like green food, but that looks pretty good."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'