Foodie Skeptic Gifts

Health Food Research: Mouse commits suicide

"Please don't kill me."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"Carpe pizza"

Gullib-Os

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I don't usually like green food, but that looks pretty good."

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"He's a fussy eater."

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

"Sorry, I can't tell your parents you're allergic to broccoli."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

'To eat or not to eat?'

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'