Culinary Skeptic Gifts

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

"For what we are about to receive, let it not contain any mad cow disease..."

'If I were you I wouldn't eat this on an empty stomach.'

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Applesauce is just mainstream baby food."

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

Diner - Chili, or something a whole lot like it...

Patient at hospital sees hospital cafeteria advertising take-out food.

"How can you say you don't like that? You haven't even tried it!"

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"Of course it's half-eaten. I'm too honest to refuse to pay unless I'm SURE I don't like it."

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

The Origins of Everything

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Please don't kill me."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."