Culinary Contradiction Seeker Gifts

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Tension filled the tent.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

Man sitting and reading 'Joy of Take Out' book surrounded by take out boxes.

The ecumenical dinner party.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"It'll never be ready in time."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"Of course this is a pizza! Man, I've always been a rebel!"

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

"When are you going to make the sort of bread my mother makes?"

"Why do you always have to be so judgemental?"

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

'I'd like to see him do that with your cooking...'

"Come on, let me see the picture."

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

"Well, if you're out there 'slaving over a got every every day', how come you never notice the food burning?"

Dieter sees 'Enter at own risk' sign on refrigerator

"Remember, never put all your eggs into one omelet."

"How come we have so many cookery books cluttering up the kitchen?...I mean, you obviously don't read any of them."

'If I were you I wouldn't eat this on an empty stomach.'