Culinary Conflicted Gifts

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

The ecumenical dinner party.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

Mayo-A-Mayo

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

"What would make it perfect, egg salad or pastrami?"

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

'There's a lamb chop in my soup.' 'So that's where it is.'

'If you'd like to, you can discuss the question of eating genetically-modified food with our staff ethicist.'

"Simply put, our 'Nostalgia Special' is the 'Catch' of yesterday."

"Well, if you're out there 'slaving over a got every every day', how come you never notice the food burning?"

Restrooms.

'Every time we go out for a steak dinner, Sander thinks he recongnizes...

Good grief! What did we order?!

Well, I told you to add yeast to your shampoo.

'If you put it that way, alright, I agree with you.'

'Dinner is ruined. I brought too many diet's home from the office again.'

"I'm trying to eat healthy. Where do you keep the organic donuts?"

"I have mixed feelings about gluten"

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"A vegetarian option...? Certainly Madam, through the door on your left."

The old good cholesterol, bad cholesterol routine.

Your supper was dinner and orginially lunch

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

"And you’re certain my suggesting a vegan Thanksgiving didn’t offend your grandmother?"

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."

'Allergy Cafe - All you can Tolerate.'

"My heart says I should go with my head; my head says I should go with my gut."