Culinary Confusionist Gifts

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I come here for the pepper."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Full English Breakfast.

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

this bordeaux speaks for itself

"Would you like to see the markup?"

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

"Don't tell him anything."

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

Slow food restaurant