Culinary Confusionist T-Shirts

Well, I told you to add yeast to your shampoo.

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I come here for the pepper."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Full English Breakfast.

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

"Would you like to see the markup?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'