Culinary Contradiction Lover T-Shirts

"I'm trying to eat healthy. Where do you keep the organic donuts?"

Before/After

"This is a side of Manhattan you don't often see."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Man sitting and reading 'Joy of Take Out' book surrounded by take out boxes.

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

It's all gravy.

'You made me jump.'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"I'm not a food critic I'm a literary critic and I've found the prose on your menu to be second-rate."

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

Out and In.

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"Of course this is a pizza! Man, I've always been a rebel!"

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'My compliments to mummy.'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'The molto randy refelled her genoise.'

Cannibal: 'FOOOOD FIGHT!

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"I'm not quite ready to order. My lawyers are still studying the menu."

A monk watches TV in his zen garden.

"That was fun. Let's do it all again in three weeks."

Woman sunbathing on snowy balcony under sunlamp.

Too many kooks spoil the Broth.

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

"It's a deconstructed steak pie and 12 lagers."