Health Food Skeptics Gifts

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Gullib-Os

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

"I don't usually like green food, but that looks pretty good."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'