Health Food Skeptics Pillows

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Gullib-Os

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I don't usually like green food, but that looks pretty good."

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'