Public Health Skeptic Gifts

"Hello, Ministry of Propaganda..."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Safety Barriers

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

I hadn't seen that jerk in years - then the anti-vaxxers showed up, and now I see him everywhere.

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

'The Rich Get Richer - The Poor Get Poorer'

Man robbed by medical center.