Public Health Skeptic Pillows

"Hello, Ministry of Propaganda..."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Safety Barriers

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'The Rich Get Richer - The Poor Get Poorer'

Man robbed by medical center.

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'