Healthcare Skeptics Gifts

'Insurance coverage is like a hospital gown...you never have enough coverage.'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills,doctor.'

'And the great thing is that I don't have to be approved by your HMO.'

"You'll feel like shit tomorrow but I'm just an old cynic"

You're right, Obamacare doesn't cover everything. What happened? They discontinued my swoon insurance. Your what? It's for when someone's overcome by my personal charisma and faints. Happens at least twice a month. It was part of the velvet plan. You should call your Congressman.

''Free prescription drugs'? — We don't even have doctors!'

'These pills are out BEST sellers. I guarantee you'll lose 50 pounds as soon as you pay me.'

Following several health insurance denials of coverage, Thelma finally resolves to entrust her hubby's seasonal depression to the gentle alternative process by psychotherapist Hans-Georg Stumke.

If you're as old as you feel, how come I can't get Medicare

Health Care Reform.

'I need to get a second opinion...from my insurance provider.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

'Well we could operate. That would give you something to talk about. But that would get old quick, and them you'd be even more boring.' Why the dull rarely seek help.

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"