Healthcare Decision Skeptics Gifts

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

This is not the time to be restructuring the NHS in the middle of a pandemic Mr. Hancock!

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

An Arm and a Leg.

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'