Insurance Skeptics Gifts

"Don't worry. You're insured, aren't you?"

'Just so you know, a broken wrist caused by punching your doctor in the eye is NOT covered by your insurance!'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"Your insurance covers just enough hand rehabilitation to insure you can open your bills."

"For me, crime pays for what Medicare doesn't cover."

Yes, we do sell house insurance and life insurance, but I don't think you need both.

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

"I've never needed health insurance - I just make sure that I always owe money to everybody."

"Your husband will receive the best care possible... unless your insurance refuses it, in which case he's toast."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

The Public Option

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

Where HMO's are headed

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'