Insurance Skeptics Gifts

"Don't worry. You're insured, aren't you?"

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"Your insurance covers just enough hand rehabilitation to insure you can open your bills."

"For me, crime pays for what Medicare doesn't cover."

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

"I've never needed health insurance - I just make sure that I always owe money to everybody."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

Where HMO's are headed

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"